Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
