Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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