Pappa wants mamma naked
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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