Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
