what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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