Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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