Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
