i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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