Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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