saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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