My vagina just recognized that song.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
