Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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