I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize