im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
