just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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