i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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