I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
