saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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