either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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