I feel great
I just peed on a car
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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