btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
