i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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