also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
