My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
