I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We have so much sex to catch up on
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
