You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
