Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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