He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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