Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
