nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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