No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize