is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
