I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
