I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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