It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
