i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
