Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Even my vagina gasped.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
