I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
