I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize