The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize