drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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