he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
soo... how was my night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
