I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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