I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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