he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize