Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
