3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
