Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sobbing to NWA
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize