I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
