hotel room ftw
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
