i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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