turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
