Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
