Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
