Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
