i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
