There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
