I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
