He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
