i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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