the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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