i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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