They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
