no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
