I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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