i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
