brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
