Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
