a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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