She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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